I Am A Jerk.

a personal reflection dated May 14th, 2013

I am torn.

In the other room is my amazing husband whom I love and who I hear laughing while enjoying a show. And in our bedroom, I sit thinking, wondering, and contemplating all that is within me.

You see, I love life. I think it’s fascinating with all of the twists and turns, seasons of happiness and heartbreak, and everything in between.

Life is utterly amazing.

It’s a journey of faith and trust.

It’s an adventure…one after another.

Life is beautiful and tragic all at the same time.

On the other hand, I find myself looking forward to taking my last breath here…the day when I say sianara and head home.

I am struggling here.

While I love life, I may be one of few people who is actually looking forward to dying.

Why?

Perhaps it’s because then I would be away from the craziness of our world.

Perhaps it’s because while I know I’m making a difference, I’m not sure if it’s enough.

Our world needs help. Our world needs an overhaul. Our world needs a makeover.

The real question is: it is our world who needs this or people?

I don’t always understand and I’m not always positive.

I struggle with my emotions and face fear on a very regular basis.

I get annoyed and frustrated…but that has nothing to do with others and everything to do with me.

I AM RESPONSIBLE.

This life of mine is my responsibility and no one elses.

I have been “sucking” lately, getting distracted by others/circumstances and thus failed to exert my Rockstar power by keeping myself in check.

Folks, I am Perfectly Imperfect.

My best decision lately is this…to be completely vulnerable and share with the world that sometimes even Rockstars and Connoisseurs of Life falter…but that’s ok.

See life is imperfect…I M Perfect.

From now till my last breath, I have work to do and life to live.

My work is not my life. My life is my work.

ChoiceFreedomResponsibility

In honour of Zach Sobiech (May 3, 1995 – May 20, 2013)

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